furthering the fury...

Tonight I attended, the "Worlds largest office party", downtown Cincinnati. The annual event raises money for cancer, and this was my first year going. I will support cancer on my own from now on. It was a room filled with what I hate.

Commercialism
Self-absorbtion
The Beautiful People
Cincinnati Bengal football players
Fakes
and frauds

It was a holiday party of sorts with live music, lots of alcohol, beautiful women, and pretty boys galore.

In the corner...the guy no one would talk too? The guy no one knew existed? Yep...that was me.

Now, I wasn't alone...not in the sense of being with people I actually knew..but I am always at my loneliest when there are a lot of people around.

The wall re-built...and for the hours I was there...I lost interest in myself. It is hard...very hard, to go through this life and not fit in anywhere. My belief system, my music, my movies, my football team...virtually everything that interests me...is what seperates me from those I talk about tonight. I used to feel sorry for myself...wonder why I am me...wonder what I did to be so fucking different from everyone else.

After tonight...after I left the party...I feel sorry for them.

After the party, after the drinks, after the one night stands, and the hangovers...they will wake up tomorrow and have no more clearer a picture of who they are.

I am me always and consistently...and that is my lesson.

Life is too short to go through it as someone you are not. So relish yourself. Be quirky, be funny, be evil, be good, be what YOU are. That is the essence of life.

You get one chance.

EJ Wasson 12/15/2005