irrelevance
Sometimes I think after all I have learned, everything i have gone through, and all I know today...i often think I am invisible to the world. I hate that fact, I want to make a difference, to be known for something, not be invisible. A friend of mine once said, "Won't matter in a hundred years."
I used to argue that point...but I am succumbing to the realization that he was right. For the vast majority of people, over 99%, nothing we do will be known in 100 years. Sad isn't it.
I want to come here and vent, for it is to myself mainly. The occassional straggler may find themselves looking at this long enough to see the avatar of jesus and change their webpage viewing as quick as humanly possible. I see it when I look at my posts, it is there to help me to be a bit more calm in my writings. I need to shield some of my thoughts from everyone. Too many people relying on me now to tell the whole truth. SO I use Jesus to remind me that people are watching. Well, they may accidentally see this anyway.
I do all i can do, i try very hard to be a great husband, a good father, and a decent enough guy. But there is always some taller, someone more intellectual, some more gorgeous than myself. There are some things in life I cannot control, and thats a few of them. I am who I am and you had better grasp that fact. I am not changing whats inside of me. As far as the outside? Yes, I am changing that..i am sick and tired of being f a t. I am sick of not feeling attractive anymore. i am sick of not looking my best..and i know i know i know i know i have said this before, but this time man..i mean it. i am sticking to my guns, sucking it up, and making the changes needed to lose this weight, and be the best looking person i can be. i didnt think i was in a competition, but apparently i was wrong, so its on now. its gametime, and no one can be more determined than me. i promise you that.
I feel a little better now, having vented some....granted, there isn't nearly the cursing there used to be, but thats only because just maybe, just by a slim chance..someone is watching.
Anyway, I am here. I am well, for the most part, and I am sick sick sick sick of being a fat 30 something who has nothing different to offer the world. thats gotta change.....
ejw
I used to argue that point...but I am succumbing to the realization that he was right. For the vast majority of people, over 99%, nothing we do will be known in 100 years. Sad isn't it.
I want to come here and vent, for it is to myself mainly. The occassional straggler may find themselves looking at this long enough to see the avatar of jesus and change their webpage viewing as quick as humanly possible. I see it when I look at my posts, it is there to help me to be a bit more calm in my writings. I need to shield some of my thoughts from everyone. Too many people relying on me now to tell the whole truth. SO I use Jesus to remind me that people are watching. Well, they may accidentally see this anyway.
I do all i can do, i try very hard to be a great husband, a good father, and a decent enough guy. But there is always some taller, someone more intellectual, some more gorgeous than myself. There are some things in life I cannot control, and thats a few of them. I am who I am and you had better grasp that fact. I am not changing whats inside of me. As far as the outside? Yes, I am changing that..i am sick and tired of being f a t. I am sick of not feeling attractive anymore. i am sick of not looking my best..and i know i know i know i know i have said this before, but this time man..i mean it. i am sticking to my guns, sucking it up, and making the changes needed to lose this weight, and be the best looking person i can be. i didnt think i was in a competition, but apparently i was wrong, so its on now. its gametime, and no one can be more determined than me. i promise you that.
I feel a little better now, having vented some....granted, there isn't nearly the cursing there used to be, but thats only because just maybe, just by a slim chance..someone is watching.
Anyway, I am here. I am well, for the most part, and I am sick sick sick sick of being a fat 30 something who has nothing different to offer the world. thats gotta change.....
ejw
posted by Me, Im not at 11:06 PM
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