Monday, November 28, 2005

enforcing my disbelief

My uncle has cancer. Various timeframes being told.

End result is the same unless we can fix him. COME ON SCIENCE DO YOUR GOD DAMNED JOB AND SAVE HIM.

COME ON CONGRESS COME ON AMERICA COME ON YOU RICH FUCKERS LETS FIX THIS GODDAMN THING BEFORE IT TAKES THOUSANDS OF MORE LIVES.

CURE CANCER NOW.
NOW.
NOw
Now
now
no
n


to my uncle:
I AM ROOTING FOR YOU ! BEAT THIS THING!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Thanksgiving Eve

Our President is fucking horrible.

Religion is now cutting edge. Oh, and it's also where you can find hypocrites. Tons of them.

Americans are dying everyday because our nations leaders lied to us. And now, no one will man up and claim responsibility for this disaster.

Drug costs are rising and those needing them more are aging.

The Browns have no future.

The NIN tour is over.

Anton Lavey is still dead.

My irresponsible life has become full of so many responsibilities that I am losing myself...

I am having a 1/3 life crisis. Those around me are too. This generation is not a happy one.

I want to crawl into an dark cave and never come out.

But, for whatever reason I am an eternal optimist. I think things will work out. I think I will overcome all the obstacles in this life. I think I will win. I am a competitive son of a bitch. It takes a lot to keep me down...in fact, as of now nothing has. Nothing probably will, but there are always momentary lapses in forward motion. Even the powerful IndyCars that I love stop accelerating while they change gears. I guess it's normal.

Happy Thanksgiving....

I have my wife, my daughter, my son, my father, my mother, and my sister. I have a few assorted associates that I am thankful for. I am thankful for Marilyn Manson. I am thankful for Nine Inch Nails. I am thankful for pride. I am thankful...that I have at least something to be thankful for...

Monday, November 21, 2005

Life is fragile...

and the fragility became too much for my dear Grandmother, Anne Haynes. R.I.P.

11.19.2005

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Friday

Thank Goodness.


I need this weekend. The pressures of life are building to a crescendo. I need a day off or two.

My writing has slowed significantly....I need to re-assess myself. What I do want out of it, what have I got to say, and why would anyone want to read it. Those who chose and are still choosing to read my first novel aren't sure why it's out there. Though I have little feedback that isn't positive..I still think people wonder.

I created a book that is far from myself. So far I cant even remember writing most of it.

Yet, there are those who know me and the book and cannot put it back together, or should I say seperate the two.

If you have read it you may know what I mean. Reading parts of it takes me immediately to where I was in my life when I wrote it. It's comforting really. A memoir of sorts....a memoir with a ton of violence and sex added to make it interesting enough for people to read. Yet pure enough to clear out the stresses that my life had given me up to that point.

2 years after its publication, and the feelings are coming back. The holes arent healing, the pressure is building.....

If you are one the many who have asked for another novel..I tell you this.

Be patient. It will come. I dont know which one, or what it will look like or how commercial it will be...but it will come. And it will be filled with the passion, the creativity, and the mind opening experiences as the first.

I hope you are well. I hope you are comfortable where you are. I hope the decisions that you have made to make everyone around you happy are paying enough dividends.

am i writing this to you??? or me.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

who so sad?

Free speech has a cost now
Free Religion has no choices now, we are a Christian country. Dont believe me?

Ask our President.

add onto that racism
the homeless
the sociopaths
the psychopaths
the thugs
the rapists
the pedophiles...

fuck it, you see what I mean?

Wednesday, November 2, 2005

Sadness....

Sometimes I have to shut off. I simply cannot handle the weight of the world on my shoulders. My heart goes to those of you who help people. I mean, really help people who need it.

There is so much sadness in me, and so much compassion, that the only way in the world I can possibly try to handle it is by in fact not handling it at all....

turning around...

walking away....
shaking my head... in disgust......


at me.